Festivus- Airing of Grievances- Part one

I would normally set this up with a long introduction, but honestly I can’t wait any longer to air some grievances, so without further ado, My official Airing of Grievances for 2011.

Grievance #1 Herman Cain

You have got to be fucking kidding me Herman. You were supposed to be the new Reagan. You were different, and you proposed the bold solutions that could have actually saved the Republic from the douchebaggery that has engulfed Washington DC for the last 50 + years. You had the support of the grassroots in this country, and you were EXACTLY what we have been yearning for since Ronald Reagan. A non-politician that was from outside the system that could actually change that shithole called Washington DC. And although it was doubtful that you could actually change those motherfuckers, I at least had the feeling that you would stand up there as President and call the motherfuckers out. And this was probably what leads to your downfall. You were the biggest threat to not only a liberal ideal of what a black man should act like, think like, and be like, but you were also a huge threat to the politicians that have used their position in DC  to make themselves rich, and like being the elite that have the power in this country. So why am I pissed at you? Because you are loyal to a fault. Your campaign manager Mark Fucking Block is an incompetent idiot at best, and a downright scumbag at worst. He should have been fired exactly one day after the dumb ass smoking man ad. Let Mark be Mark? Let Mark be a fired motherfucker for being so goddamned stupid. Then the sexual harassment shit started. And again Mark Block was a complete incompetent in responding to it. You had 10 days head start, and he should have seen the tsunami coming, but he didn't and he was caught there with his dick in his hand when he needed a gun. Your loyalty also had you keep the absolute worst fucking PR manager JD Gordon, who probably should have been fired, but in light of that should NEVER be given a job more important that stuffing envelopes for a mail order company located in Kazakhstan.  His interview with Geraldo on the eve of the Politico story is EXACTLY what FUCKED YOU UP MAN!!! I knew you were in trouble with that cock-sucking motherfucker had a job the next day, let alone for a week after. You kept using the line that you were going to focus on the problem, put the right people around you in order to solve the problem, BUT WHEN YOUR POLITICAL LIFE WAS AT STAKE YOU KEPT THESE TWO ASSCLOWNS AROUND?!?! You have got to be kidding me! This was your political test, and you failed miserably. A real leader? A Real leader would have took a step back after the first story came out, saw the effectiveness of your staff, and fired every motherfucking last one of these douchebags. Had you done this, and hired a real campaign leader, and press person, you'd still be in the race today and running away with it. Oh? You think that Sharon Bialik and Ginger White would have tanked you anyway? Well you fucked this shit up from the beginning. IF THERE WAS A THERE THERE, then you should have put that shit in your book. If there was no there there, then you should have sicked Lin Wood on these bitches immediately. If you are an innocent man, then you should act like an innocent man. Fight these fucking cunts, sue their asses, and clear your name. With Ginger White, release the actual texts, the amounts of money you gave her as a friend, and the dates. Otherwise YOU ARE GUILTY IN THE COURT OF PUBLIC OPINION BECAUSE YOU CHOOSE NOT TO FIGHT!!! Fucker! Anyway, fuck you Herman Cain. You could have been something that was great for this country. 20 years from now people could have been talking about being a Cain Republican, but you failed. You failed not because of your ideas, you failed not because of your intelligence, and you failed not because the left and their dirty tricks, you failed not because of the establishment GOP and talking heads, and you failed not because the American People didn't want you. YOU FAILED BECAUSE YOU WERE A PUSSY THAT DIDN'T FIGHT!!! I fought a lot harder for you than you ever did. Thanks a lot asshat!

Grievance #2 Rick Perry

Rick Perry you clueless dolt. Unlike Herman Cain, you have the total opposite situation. Your staff is stellar at making you look good, but you are so inept that you can’t put two sentences together on the fly. Before you even entered the race you were assured the top non-Romney spot, but people worried that another Texas Governor would be scary as another George W. Bush. Well our fears that we would get another George W. Bush was alleviated by the second debate. Rick Perry, you make W look like a fucking rocket scientist. I read your book Fed Up in preparation that you would be the nominee, and figured I should get a good handle on what you were about. Man, was I pumped up by that book, and couldn’t wait till we had a genuine 10th amendment advocate in these debates, and up against a bloated, disgustingly corrupts federal government that was out of control. Then your announcement speech came, and you said you were going to make government as inconsequential in our lives as possible. WOOT! YOU GO RICK!!!! Then you were off script in a debate, and it was a little disconcerting, as in "This is Rick Perry?" Then another debate and another "This is the guy that is leading with 31points?" Then the 3rd debate came and you just went crazy. The "You have no heart" line will go down in history along with the Howard Dean screech, and Dukakis saying he would be against the death penalty if someone raped and murdered his family. You may be able to pull off some sort of good old boy network wins down in Texas, with your Solyndra like crony capitalism, but it was totally visible to anyone that was willing to see, that you are a clueless empty suit. Your supporters will say that debates don’t matter, and you've never been a good debater yada yada, but that’s some water I'm not willing to tote. They will say that you are an awesome "retail" politician, and I think, Really? A good retail politician? So in other words we should hand over the country to a guy whose best attribute is that he has the ability to go out, give planned speeches, excite the fans in attendance, hire people to make snazzy ads, and shake hands? Are you fucking kidding me? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?! WE ALREADY HAVE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE IN THE WHITE HOUSE AND HIS NAME IS BARACK HUSSEIN FUCKING OBAMA!!!!!! Prior to that empty suit assclown motherfucking son of a whore, we had another great "retail Politician" in the form of Bill Clinton. And Rick Perry is supposed to impress me by having the same goddamned ability to make people like him in person as tow fucking socialists? Give me a fucking break. So Rick Perry, you may be the greatest conservative leader the world has ever had since Reagan, and Thatcher, but we will never know that because you are without a doubt, the worst politician I have ever seen at thinking on their feet. You would think with being a lifelong politician that it would come naturally to you, but I guess Texans are more forgiving in their leaders as shown by the total lack of eloquence and speaking ability of you and George W Bush. Oh and by the way, I am not fooled by you at all. There is absolutely NO FUCKING CHANCE that you wrote Fed Up. You must be like Obama who had Bill Ayres write his first book, and have gotten a real conservative to write yours. Stay in Texas and continue to be the best fucking governor that has ever existed in this country, or do exactly what made you a viable candidate in the first place; stay out of the people that actually know what they fuck they are doing.

Grievance #3 Ron Paul and his worshipers.

At first glance one can like Ron Paul. I mean the guy is nothing if not consistent. He wants lower taxes a hell of a lot less spending, brought the world the message that the Federal Reserve is a problem, has been a problem and needs audited or done away with entirely, and believes in sound money and Austrian economics. Fucking A!!! But then he opens his fucking piehole on foreign policy. Now there is much that I like about his foreign policy. Shutting down a bunch of bases in Europe and Japan is a great idea. He should stick to the foreign policy and defense economics, but no. No, he has to go into his wackjob idiocy of how the United States and its interventionist foreign policy is the cause of 99.9% of the problems in the world, that we brought 9/11 on ourselves, and that the Jihadists have a legitimate beef. You sir are a fucking moron, and even if there is some validity in your ludicrous claims you sound like a code pink, cocksmoker when you say shit like, American soldiers have killed half a million innocent civilians in Iraq. Well you are wrong you fucking turd munching, American hating douche. Why don’t you go away, and buttfuck your buddy Lew Rockwell, and you guys can just enjoy all your time together in each other 's loving arms as you talk about how much you hate this country, and how evil we are. Fuck off and die you piece of shit. If you really cared about your cause you would have done the right thing and stepped aside, so your son who is not quite as batshit crazy as you, and hasn't been indoctrinated by as much Rothbard and Rockwell as you, could actually have a good effect. But no. Your ego, is Napoleonic and you feel that because you have convinced a bunch of stoners that you are 'the one" that you are somehow destined. Of all the crazy people in this country, I put you right in front of Charles Manson in your delusion of grandeur. You are without a doubt the absolute worst politician I have ever seen. Obama is skilled compared to you and he is so pathetic he can’t get out of the way of his ideology long enough to win against a now weak GOP field. You are also stuck in your ideology, and it isn’t some noble constitutional one, it is the Ron Paul ideology, which includes a bunch of leftover hippy 60’s make love not war, anti American sentiment, and you have been able to convince your followers that this is all according to the plans of the founding fathers. You have as much in common with Osama Bin Ladin, as you do to Thomas Jefferson, and cult leaders prey on the weak minded, so congratulations, you are now on par with Jim Jones. So fuck off, and take all your free love, no war douchebags with you.